A Mary Heart in a Martha World

Do you ever feel like you just aren't cutting it?

I watch these other moms who seem to have it all together. I've had my fair share of chats with other stay at home mothers to know that they don't have it together. 
But I am constantly feeling "behind". 
I can't seem to keep my kitchen floors clean. There is always laundry in the dryer waiting to be folded (and then sitting in the basket for another couple of days waiting to be put away). 
There are always toys on the floor, socks in the bathroom, junk mail on the counters, and dishes in the sink. Always a kid calling my name. 
My to do list is only getting longer.

(In our playroom)

I find that the stress of a messy home and having a long "to do" list is causing me neglect what is really important; (it's not my children…totally) it's my time with Jesus. When I sit down after a day of chores, I don't want to use my brain or my heart. I want to sit on the couch and watch some mindless, trashy show on Netflix. I know that spending time with Jesus takes a lot of time and effort, just like any relationship. It takes the effort of opening my Bible and listening to what God has to tell me. It requires a quite space and an attitude of desire. 

But I'm tired. I don't want to exert any more energy, anywhere.

I can't stop thinking about Martha in Luke 10: 38-42 (NLV).

"As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

But the Lord said to her, 'My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.' ” 

I love this translation (NLV), because it says "you are worried and upset over all these details".  I am Martha, not Mary. In fact when I read this passage I find myself thinking "But Jesus, she was cooking you dinner! Things have to get done! That was her way of showing you love." I can defend Martha. I know her motives, because they are mine too. I want to serve, I want to make sure my home looks nice and I want to make sure my food is tasty. I want to be sure that my kids look clean and put together in public and that I don't look like I feel (a hot mess). 

Can you just see Mary sitting there soaking up Jesus, listening to his wisdom. She had it figured out. She probably knew this was the only chance she was going to have with her Savior. She was desiring the relationship. She wasn't bent on trying to impress Jesus like Martha was, like I am. And Jesus called her out. He told her her priorities were wrong. I've always wondered if after he said that to her if she left the meal to burn on the stove and sat with them. 

That is what I'm working on now. I am working on leaving my worries behind. During quite time I'm trying to leave the lunch dishes sit in the sink and do my Bible Study (Beth Moore's James). I don't want to be called out by Jesus as having my priorities off (even though I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he's doing right now). 

I'm pretty sure we can all agree that is it so hard to have Mary's heart in Martha's world!

Contentment

Is finding contentment one of your greatest challenges?

It is mine.

The other day I was helping a friend of mine unpack her new home. I got the job of organizing her closet. Her gorgeous, fully shelved, giant, walk-in closet.
I found myself being a little envious of all the storage space, and the shelving.
Then I found myself a bit envious of her shoe collection.
Then it was her clothes. Gorgeous dresses!

But then I remembered that I have a huge closet.
I have shoes, many shoes!
And I have MORE than enough clothes!

I'm such a whiner!

I am always catching myself wanting more "stuff".
What else?
A new entertainment center. Well, actually a buffet to sit underneath my TV.
My idea is gorgeous, my desire is strong, and I usually end up getting what I want.

But I catch myself thinking about what I could be doing with the $400 instead.

Here's a few things I found through World Vision that I could give instead:

Give  $420 worth of medicine for only $35

Share of a deep well for $100

This can provide up to 28,000 people with clean water

$300 worth of necessities to children in poverty for $25

A Goat and 2 chickens for $100

This would change a family's life

Hope for sexually exploited girls for $35

This will provided women with medical care, food, education, and training to women and girls who have been sexually exploited.

And you can get all of these things for $295.

For less than $300 how many lives can you save?

And I want to spend that money on a place for my flat screen TV.

Seeing why I'm feeling a little bit convicted?

Hebrews 13:5 

Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

1 Timothy 6:6-8

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these with will be content.

Phillipians 4: 11-13

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound, In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all thing through him who strengthens me.

There are so many more with so much less than I have.

And I catch myself full of greed on a daily basis.

I am praying for contentment in all my circumstances. 

Because I know that true happiness comes through Christ, not things.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Do you garden?

Had you told me 5 years ago I would be gardening, I would have laughed at you.
I killed a vine (the hardest thing to kill) that we had gotten for a wedding gift.
I couldn't even keep fish alive.

But now…
I have a vegetable garden and many other flowering plants and bushes that are thriving!

I just love getting my hands dirty in the soil. I love pruning, and watering, and spending time in the sun.

I have also grown in my faith through this.
Crazy, right?

Jesus was a smart man.
He has numerous ways of explaining faith through the growth of plants. And it's beginning to ring truer and truer through my gardening experience.

This is what I've learned:

1. Planting in fertile soil yields a great crop. Planing on bad soil will yield nothing.
Luke 8:6 "Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture."

A few years ago I had planted several plants into soil I didn't till, and didn't add any nutrient rich soil to.
My plants died immediately.
This year I threw some wildflower seeds into nutrient rich soil, but didn't keep the soil moist. They never sprouted.

I was chocking my plants to death.

This is exactly like my faith. When I hear the Word of God spoken to me, but my heart is hardened or I'm angry, it is falling on deaf ears.
I'm mad….I don't want to hear the truth.
But when my heart is open, God's truth is like food for my soul!
I'm open to hearing the Voice of God, and I'm open to hearing His truth for my life.

2. Pruning the dead flowers and leaves, allows for better growth.
John 15:2 "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."


This is one of the best parts of gardening to me, but the worst part of my faith.
I love to cut off any of the dead flowers on my plants. I love that it makes the flowers that are alive brighter, and more alive.
I love that it makes more room for new growth. And I love getting my hands on my plants!

But this is the hardest part about being a Christian.
I hate that when I have a sin I'm attached to, Christ calls me to cut it out!
How does that make me sound?
I like to hold on to my anger, my bad mood, my resentment, and my bad attitude.
I don't want to be told to be patient, kind, forgiving, and understanding.
I like to stay in my funk and stew.
But I'm blind from it.
When I finally allow Christ to work in me, and allow Him to prune me of my selfish behavior; I have new room for growth.
I can enjoy the fruits of the Spirit so much better. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control.

Have you ever grown sweet basil?
I've killed nearly 4 of these delicious plants.
It wasn't until recently that I learned you have to pinch off the top of the basil plant when it begins to flower.
It's crazy to think you have to prune a good looking flower!
I was thinking it was sprouting new leaves. I didn't know that it was actually sapping life from the stems, turning them into a wood stem.

But as soon as I pinched those flowers off the basil began to grow and flourish.

This was astonishing to me how relatable to my life this was.
There are so many times in my life I find myself doing something good, thinking I am bearing great fruit; only to find myself resenting what I'm doing.
Why?
It's all about my attitude.
Even when I'm doing good things without love, it's dead.
1 Corinthians 13:1
" If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."

See….

I told you Jesus was a smart guy.

Turns out…His parables are the perfect way to explain my faith.

Note To Self

I heard the best sermon at church the other day.

It was all about how important it is to pour blessings into our children, spouses, families, and friends.

I know that I was insanely blessed with parents who invested into my life. James was blessed the same way. Even our grandparents invested into our lives (and still into the lives of our children).

Our parents took us to church, taught us about Jesus, told us we were made for a special purpose, and told us how loved we were.

I never realized the importance of their words and actions until I had kids of my own. I see the desire for acceptance in their eyes. They beg for approval, physical touch, and time with us.

Our pastor gave us 5 things (from the book The Blessing) that are essential to do in order to bless our kids. I had to write is down and make a mental note…I cannot forget to do this!

1. Give them meaningful physical touch.
For my kids this means wrestling. Boys….
But they love to rough house. They love to know they can play with us (yes…me included)
They need for me to kiss their battle wounds, cuddle with them, and give lots of hugs.
Touching my kids is a key way we express our love for them!

2. Spoken Message
For Josiah, this is so important. He needs to hear words of affirmation. "You are special." You have a specific purpose that the Lord created you to do." "You are funny." "You are handsome." "You are smart." "I love you to the moon and back."
These words can change their life, and speak into it.
If you never tell your kids what they are worth, or how much you love them, how will they know?

3. Attach High Value
This one is pretty self explanatory…tell them what they are worth! They are created with a special purpose. They are needed. They are special. They are irreplaceable. Make them feel it…make them believe it!

4. Picture a Special Future
This one is fun to do with my kids. I ask them what they want to be and then tell them that it can happen! You want to be a fireman today? You will be the best fireman and you will save so many people!
You want to be a barber when you grow up (Josiah said this once…it was so cute!). You will make people look so great!
It is so fun to hear their dreams and tell them that anything they choose to do will be astonishing! They will be good at their job, successful, and leave a meaningful impact!

5. Active Commitment
I must choose every day to invest into my children. I cannot "drop the ball". I have to be involved, active, and invested into their lives. They need to know that I am with them every second of every day (even if we are physically apart). I am not even close to being 100% involved with them at all moments. I don't think that's even possible. But I know the importance of being their Mom and being part of who they are.

I had to get this down! I have to remember this. I need to invest into my children's lives. They will know they are loved. They will do great things (to me….this has nothing to do with making money). They will be kind, loving, and full of compassion.
I will speak this into their lives. I will fill them with love and I will attach high value to them.

They will know their worth in Christ…I will tell them…every….single…day.

Alive!

{scroll to the  bottom of my blog and pause my music}

You have to watch this video.

I cry each time I hear this song.

I am so thankful today for Christ's love for me!

...for me… 

I am broken, tattered, ugly, sinful…and He loves me.

I can't wrap my head around it today. 

I've been talking to my boys about it. Trying to have them understand the power of Christ's love for us.

I made them watch this video with me.

I wanted them to have a visual picture of what it may have been like when Jesus rose from that grave.

goosebumps

I am so grateful to serve a God that defeated death!

I am feeling so small today. So unworthy. So totally thankful for this gift!

~ and in completely unrelated news….don't forget to enter my giveaway~

Fingerprint Friday

What They See

I've looked into these eyes countless times.
They are perfect. They are innocent. They are hopeful. They are full of pride. They are loving.

These are the eyes of my 3 year old.
I have often asked myself what these eyes see when they look at me.

To these eyes I am the most beautiful woman they have ever seen.
I have magic kisses that heal any "owie" instantly.
I am the best cook in the world.
I have eyes in the back of my head.
I come up with brilliant games to play.
I give the best hugs.
I am their moral compass.
I am the world's best singer.
I am an awesome dancer.
I have a direct line to speak to Jesus.
I smell like roses.
I am a role model.


This is how my children look at me.

I feel an immense amount of pressure to not let them down.

If I complain that I am not beautiful, they will be confused about what beauty is.
If I tell them to "suck it up" when they get hurt, my kisses will not be needed anymore to heal.
If I don't pay attention to what they are doing, they will get into trouble.
If I don't have time to play with them, I will become boring.
If I don't take the time to cuddle with them, my hugs will not be so special.
If I make a have a "bad judgement" moment, they will know that they can too.
If I don't sing and dance with them, singing and dancing will not be as silly.
If I don't pray or read my Bible, they will think they don't need to either.

But I am not perfect, and it is inevitable that I will make mistakes. I will be "too busy" to play with them at times. My kisses will someday lose their healing power. I will say something stupid silly in front of them {"we don't say stupid mommy"}. I will miss a devotional. I will burn dinner. I will have bad breath. I will not have any ideas on a game to play. I will yell at somebody in traffic.

But God's grace can redeem all those things where I will let my kids down. I have learned so much about forgiveness from my own children. When I have lost my temper with them, or when I have been too selfish to play with them, and when I have been broken with them and apologized for letting them down; they forgive me instantly. To them I am still perfect. Even in my failures I am still flawless. I am inspired to be a great mom because of my children.

It makes me wonder how Christ looks at me? Does He see me as perfect?
He knows how I sin. He know where I am weak. And yet, He still loves me.

Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ; by grace you have been saved.

Praise God for His grace and mercy! He forgives my failures, just as my children do. I'm so lucky to be a daughter of Christ and I'm so lucky to be a mother to some very forgiving boys. And I am blessed that to their innocent eyes, I'm still perfect.

~Josiah~

breath

I feel like I was just here. 

Talking about medical issues with Ella. Talking about struggling with guilt that comes with ER visits.

This weekend did not help.

Micah woke up with a cough on Sunday morning. No big deal, right?

By 10pm he was struggling to breath. He is a loud snorer, so I didn't notice if he was wheezing or not. But something didn't seem right. His stomach was retracting under his ribs and his throat was caving in.

By 10:30 he was being rushed through Urgent Care to the x-ray room.

No pneumonia. Thank God, right?

"Not necessarily" says the Dr. This could be a indication of something more serious.

His "stats" were so low {82% oxygen level when he was crying}, and I had no clue!

Ugh. 

What did I do wrong this time? Did I wait too long to bring him in? Have I never noticed Micah having an asthma attack before?

It appeared to the Dr that Micah was having a viral induced asthma attack.

 He was put on a asthma treatment plan.

They gave him meds to help slow his breathing and allow his lungs to expand.

We were then admitted into the hospital so they could monitor him and see if his breathing would improve. 

Micah was miserable. I was miserable. James and the kids were miserable.

I'm so grateful that my mother could come and help with the kids at home. We would have been in real trouble without her help.

After over 30 hours we were allowed to return home. We were both so ready. After getting a few hours of sleep in the entire stay, we both needed some rest.

The meds did their job.

The steroid and the breathing treatments he was on make him act like a NUT JOB (literally bouncing off the walls), but they did their job. His lungs were getting stronger.

 Thanks Mom for letting me borrow your iPad! Temple Run may have saved my sanity!

Yes, Micah was jumping off the bed. Steroids!

This picture was taken hours before we went to the hospital. He fell at the park.

This boy…he's going to give me a heart attack!

~Now I feel the need to pray against any pending heart attacks~

But I continue to thank my Creator for giving us healthy bodies. Sometimes they may be weak, but we are strong, and we are able to heal!

 Praise God for that!

The Pampered Life

On Tuesday night I got spoiled.
The men in my Bible Study had all bought gift certificates for their wives to all get a mani/pedi.

Normally, I'm just not a huge fan of getting these. I think it's a waste of money for something I can do myself. But this was different. It was a hot stone massage mani/pedi.

Yes…I was enjoying myself!

 Embrace the Camera

I felt completely spoiled. And it didn't hurt that I'm obsessed with the color of the nail polish I chose!
And then yesterday I got an email from Emily @ The Anderson Crew telling me I had won her sponsor giveaway! So exciting!!

And while I was living the pampered life; this is not the life that most of the world gets to experience.
Most people around the world take great pains just to find food for the day.
They have to walk miles and miles to get water (and not the kind of water we drink).

Every 6 seconds a child dies of hunger or hunger related circumstances.

Last night my family went to package food portions with an organization called Kid's Against Hunger.
It was such a great teaching moment for our kids. The car ride down we were able to talk to our kids about what hunger is. We got to talk to them about the importance of serving others. We told them how blessed they are to have food every day. To have treats!

We packaged food with our boys.
Yes!
Our 3 and 4  year olds were able to help pack rice into bags and then box them up to be sent away.

If you have the opportunity to serve with your family, I highly recommend it. It took an hour.
One hour to bless starving people.

We will pray with our boys that the food is delivered to hungry tummies and that God's love will spread through this little act they did.

I am so spoiled. I am so sickly spoiled to live the way I do.
I have a urgency to teach my kids to know they are spoiled to. And to better the world because of it!

Please check Kid's Against Hunger out. You won't be sorry you did!

worry.

I feel like I've been living in a cloud of worry lately.

Ella had some blood work done and her tests results came back with some elevated liver enzymes. This could mean nothing. Or it could have something to do with her lack of weight gain.

The Dr. doesn't seem to be terribly worried, which is a good sign. But this has been enough to send me spiraling into worry.

I am not a worrier by nature. One of my friend's calls herself a "catastrophic thinker". You know…the kind of person who thinks that the world is coming to an end when you find a mole. But this has done it for me. Liver enzymes and lack of weight gain. She's only gained a couple of ounces in the past two months. My eight month old baby weighs as much as the average 3 month old.

Worry.

What makes this harder is that I can't get her into the specialists at the Children's Hospital for 2 weeks (nutritionist) or 3 weeks (GI specialist). So for now, I'm stuck with this sense of worry and panic. So I look up websites like this that talk about how deadly it can be for elevated liver enzymes. That doesn't help. At. All.

What I need to be doing is giving my worry to God. I KNOW that He is in control. And I KNOW that Ella is His child, not mine. And I KNOW that His plans are perfect.

via

These things I know, but I listen to the evil thoughts put in my head from the Devil. I look at Ella, and I am full of fear for her. Worry is consuming.

I desire to be consumed with Christ, but I keep getting in the way! I pray for peaceful thoughts. When I can choose to direct my thoughts on Christ, my worry diminishes. I feel hope in Him.

There are always going to be moments in our lives when we can worry. And I know that I will always be worried about things. James and I love this verse ~ Isaiah 41:10 ~.

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I can't tell you how many times I've prayed this verse. It's an anthem in my head. It has been so helpful, in those really dark moments. I will find my encouragement in God, and continue to seek his peace.

Via

Priorities

I LOVE my MOPS group. I can't talk about how much they have saved my sanity. I've met my best friends there. And I've grown as a mom there.

}Sarah and Me Embracing the Camera {

(we've got kids the same ages so we commiserate together)

There have been many moving speakers; but today was probably my favorite yet!

He came and spoke about how it is our responsibility as parents to be raising Godly children

We can't drop them off at Sunday school each Sunday and expect them to grow up loving Jesus. It's just not going to happen. We have to be the example of what a relationship with Jesus is supposed to look like.

Here's where it gets dicey for me.

I have to take the time for my kids.

I have to get away from the computer, the laundry, the dishes, the cleaning, the organizing, and the "me time"; and teach them!

I have been feeling really convicted lately about this.

Where are my priorities? Am I putting my kids first? Am I putting my relationship with the Lord first? And I putting my marriage first? Or am I putting me first?

While the first three things in that list are truly nobel things, only one of them is the correct answer. I need to be putting Christ first. When I do that, all others will fall into the order in which I'm called to do!

But alas.....

~sigh~

I put myself first over and over again. I spend time on the computer, when I could be doing my daily devotions. I spend time crafting when I could be teaching my children. And I spend time in front of the TV when I could be spending time with my husband.

So how do I remedy this?

Here's what I've decided to do.

1. Limit myself!

~1 hour of time a day to "waste" aka- on the computer or in front of the TV

2. Spend 20 min a day with Jesus...alone and uninterrupted!

3. Take 20 min a week to do a family time devotional with my kids.

~ Here's an amazing site that can help with activities and ways to do devos with our kids!

Look Here

4. A DAILY devotional with James

~ Right now we're doing The Love Dare daily devotional for couples : )

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5. Get a chore list.

~I feel like if I could schedule out my daily chores I could be much more effect with this.

These are my priorities right now! I'm praying that God can help me stick to it!