I feel like I've been living in a cloud of worry lately.
Ella had some blood work done and her tests results came back with some elevated liver enzymes. This could mean nothing. Or it could have something to do with her lack of weight gain.
The Dr. doesn't seem to be terribly worried, which is a good sign. But this has been enough to send me spiraling into worry.
I am not a worrier by nature. One of my friend's calls herself a "catastrophic thinker". You know…the kind of person who thinks that the world is coming to an end when you find a mole. But this has done it for me. Liver enzymes and lack of weight gain. She's only gained a couple of ounces in the past two months. My eight month old baby weighs as much as the average 3 month old.
What makes this harder is that I can't get her into the specialists at the Children's Hospital for 2 weeks (nutritionist) or 3 weeks (GI specialist). So for now, I'm stuck with this sense of worry and panic. So I look up websites like this that talk about how deadly it can be for elevated liver enzymes. That doesn't help. At. All.
What I need to be doing is giving my worry to God. I KNOW that He is in control. And I KNOW that Ella is His child, not mine. And I KNOW that His plans are perfect.
These things I know, but I listen to the evil thoughts put in my head from the Devil. I look at Ella, and I am full of fear for her. Worry is consuming.
I desire to be consumed with Christ, but I keep getting in the way! I pray for peaceful thoughts. When I can choose to direct my thoughts on Christ, my worry diminishes. I feel hope in Him.
There are always going to be moments in our lives when we can worry. And I know that I will always be worried about things. James and I love this verse ~ Isaiah 41:10 ~.
I can't tell you how many times I've prayed this verse. It's an anthem in my head. It has been so helpful, in those really dark moments. I will find my encouragement in God, and continue to seek his peace.